S to the NK News Channel 441620
by RubyBelle
Summary: Welcome to double S to the NK News channel 441620 Where your most favoritest news comes firstest! Today we talk about: Fuel Cells! [Crack fic, you may actually learn something, a whole lotta OOCness, and stupid characters acting stupid.]


This script was originally made for my brother, and I have now altered it for Naruto. Yes, you may learn some things.

And, I am very sorry for that.

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**Goooooood Morning Kohona!**

(news theme starts to play)

**Welcome to double S to the NK News channel 441620- Where your most favoritest news comes firstest! Starring:**

**Legendary Anchorman - Uchiha Sasuke!**

**Sasuke** Hmph.

**Legendary Anchor**_**WO**_**man - Haruno Sakura! **(Sakura waves)

**And "In the Field" reporter, with an elementary school degree in finger-painting - Uzumaki "Cinderblock" Naruto!**

**Naruto:** When there's something to report I do something or another and it thinks I'm done here where am I…

**And when they join forces, they create:**

**SSNK News- Channel 441620!!!**

(news theme ends; "Staying Alive" starts to play)

(everyone is dancing when Sasuke asks Sakura this)

**Sasuke:** Maybe we should pretend Naruto's a retard and make people donate to a fundraiser to help him and we make money?

**Sakura:**First, that's illegal. Second, we don't need to pretend anything, and third, get back to what you were doing.

**Sasuke:**OK...(music stops) News Team, _ASSEMBLE_!!(everyone runs in circles then gets to their seat)

Top news story today, something that everyone wants to figure out and that only double S to the NK news, channel 441620 gots. Over 2 million of our loyal viewers voted online at the online voting place that's online that they want to hear this very important- highly significant- very important news story- Can bees really think?

**Sakura:** Certain studies say "no they can't."

In other news, we have a very special guest with our "in the field" reporter who reports, Naruto, that is going to talk to us about fuel cells. Is that right, Naruto?

**Naruto:** Yes.

**Sakura:**Umm, ok…What exactly are fuel cells?

**Naruto:** I dunno. That's why we have a guest.

**Sakura:**Then ask the guest!

**Naruto:**Well, fine, if you want to be all mean about it. Hello, this is "in the field" reporter, Naruto, from double S to the NK news, channel 441620. I'm coming to you directly from atop a Ferris wheel that's my favorite ride in the carnival just across the street of our news station that gives everybody news from double S to the NK news, channel 441620. I'm here with our special guest, he has earned a Bachelor's, Master's, and Ph.D. degree in Fuel- cells, Dr. Squak.

**Kakashi:** It's "Squak."

**Naruto:** That's what I said, Squak

**Kakashi:** No, in Squak you make a U slurred sound so it sounds like Skuack.

**Naruto:** So is it Dr. Squak

**Kakashi:**No, Squak

**Naruto:** Squak

**Kakashi:**(rubbing throat) Sq-uak, Sq-uak

**Naruto and Kakashi:**(Naruto doing what Kakashi is doing) Sq- Sq- Sq-uak

**Naruto:** Ok, so Squak

**Kakashi:** Yes, Squak

**Naruto:** Ok, so I'm here with Dr. Squak. How are you doing Dr.?

**Kakashi:** Well "in the field" reporter for double S to the NK news, channel 441620, Naruto, not too well. I'm dangling from the top of a Ferris wheel.

**Naruto:** Whoa, no kiddin'!

**Kakashi:**No.

**Naruto:**Hmm, really?

**Kakashi:** Really, really.

**Naruto:** Wow.

**Kakashi:**Yes.

**Naruto:** Hmm.

**Sakura**Argh, can we PLEASE get back to what Dr. Squak was saying, we are on-

**Kakashi:**(muffled from microphone) See, Naruto, she got it right the FIRST time.

**Sakura:** (continuing her sentence) a tight time limit. Dr, what are fuel cells exactly?

**Kakashi:**Ah, fuel cells are a very developing story.

**Naruto:** How developing?

**Kakashi:**Very developing.

**Sasuke:**That was a dumb question.

**Naruto:** No it not was, it could be very VERY developing, and it could be just very developing. Also, it could be pretty very developing or pretty not that much developing, or it c-

**Sakura:**OKAY!! Please continue Dr.

**Kakashi:**Okay, fuel cells are the way to have a cleaner, more productive source of energy- to power cities, or just your cell-phones. Now, what do fuel-cells do you ask-

**Naruto:**I didn't ask anything.

**Kakashi:** Shh, my child. Shh. Contrary to popular belief, fuel cells do not create energy, they simply store electricity. The most common, or popular, type of fuel cells is hydrogen fuel cells. They are much more technologically advanced than the combustion engine, with much more advantages. They provide us with such a cleaner environment and healthier Economic system.

**Sakura:** I heard that this is stored in little sponges, is this true?

**Naruto:**Hey, that's my job!

**Sasuke:** Naruto, shut up.

**Naruto:**Awwwwwwww...

**Kakashi:**Anyway, Sakura that is very true. Though there are many different ways to store this source of energy, the one most efficient is into carbon sponges, which I just happen to have one right here, (pulls out regular sponge) this is where we will be storing hydrogen. One of these sponges will give you enough hydrogen to last you months at a time.

**Sasuke:** How would we get these sponges, because I do NOT want to enter a store filled with not rich people, unlike myself. I'm rich. Can you not smell my very expensive cologne?

**Kakashi:**Well, sorry to disapo-

**Sasuke:** (interrupting Dr. Squak) Can you not see my very expensive suit made from the inside of a pelican's beak?

**Kakashi:** Yes, I see, well I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sasuke, but you will be able to buy these blocks from any Wal-Mart or neighborhood store. Imagine being your own energy supplier!

**Sasuke:** All I'm imagining is you not telling me to imagine anything.

**Sakura:** That's pretty amazing, but where would we put the sponges in a car?

**Kakashi:**That's where the other styles of storage come in. In a fuel cell car, we store the hydrogen in tanks held under the car's seats. And-

**Sasuke:** Sorry to interrupt Dr. Squak's amazing talk on whatever he was talking about for this news update. Two prototypes for fuel cell cars just collided into each other just southwest of the Southwest Freeway. Police officials believe that it was caused by a flash flood because both cars are surrounded by water. However, the rest of the freeway it completely dry. Police are baffled by this but I am much more baffleder than they are.

**Kakashi:**Don't be silly. That accident was caused by two fuel cell cars. That means that there was hydrogen in each car.

**Naruto:** Duh...I don't get it...

**Kakashi:** Ugh, you imbecile. What is water?

**Naruto:**The stuff that comes out of the magic faucet!

**Sakura:**The answer he's looking for is 2 Hydrogen molecules and 1 Oxygen molecule, or, H2O!

**Kakashi:** Correct, Sakura! That means that when hydrogen comes into contact with oxygen, it forms-

**Sasuke:**(interrupting Dr. Squak) Water. It forms water. See, once again I have proven to the people of Kohona that I am better than you. Victorious I am! Victorious!

**Kakashi:** Umm, whatever, but you are indeed correct of the fact that it does create water. That means that a flood did not cause the crash, the water is just what happened when the hydrogen combined with the oxygen in the air.

**Sasuke:** Oh, well. I am still victorious! Victory is mine! (singing) I am the champion, my friend. I'll keep on fighting, till the end.

**Sakura:**Just ignore him and continue what you were saying.

**Kakashi:** (with Sasuke still singing in the background- starting to pretend to know the words) Okay. Without the combustion engine, hydrogen is able to reduce our dependence on oil. Right now, the US uses about 20 million barrels of oil a day!

**Naruto:**Cost how this much does how cost it does much?

**Kakashi:**Well asked, Naruto. Well asked.

**Naruto:**Duhhh...Thanks?

**Kakashi:** Actually, it costs the United States about $2 billion a week! This is $2 billion that we could be using on other things throughout the country.

**Naruto:** Like lollipops!

**Kakashi:** Sure Naruto, just like lollipops. Nevertheless, this money could go into finding new technology.

**Sakura:** Also, there are many environmental benefits to this new technology, isn't that right Dr.?

**Naruto:**Hey, that's my job!

**Sakura:**Than do it.

**Naruto:**Fine! Also, there are many environmental benefits to this new technology, isn't that right Dr.?

**Kakashi:** Yes, umm both of you are right. America's source of energy has moved from coal to oil to now, hydrogen. Each one less polluting than the last.

**Sakura:** Why is this?

**Naruto:** Because, Sakura, each new source has much more hydrogen than the last. If this is why they are less pollutant, than isn't the best non-pollutant source of fuel hydrogen itself? Hydrogen can be used to power everything- from cities to cell-phones to cars. It can power anything that you can imagine. More stuff than just crappy oil or coal can. It can power city blocks, whole neighborhoods at a time. It can power your washing machine, or the printer that printed out the piece of paper that was in your pant's pocket that got crumpled up and stuck together when it was washed by the also fuel cell powered washing machine. It can power a wireless keyboard to a fuel cell powered computer that is connected to the fuel cell powered printer that printed out the piece of paper that was in your pant's pocket that got crumpled up and stuck together when it was washed by the again fuel cell powered washing machine. It can power your things, my things, and most importantly, my things.

**Sakura:** Wow, Naruto, that was really...moving.

**Sasuke:**So, did Naruto start drugs or stop them?

**Kakashi:**Naruto, were you reading my notes?

**Naruto:**I would never do something like–yes, I was…

**Sasuke:**Nevermind. Cinderblock's back

**Kakashi:** However, you seemed to know a lot about fuel cells, when did you become so interested?

**Naruto:** What's a fuel cell?

**Kakashi:** Naruto, do-

**Naruto:**How do you know my nickname?!?!

**Kakashi:** Weren't you- didn't- wa- how- it- id- weren't you listening to the entire conversation?

**Naruto:** Who are you, and what are you talking about?

**Kakashi:** Do people point at you and laugh?

**Naruto:** Oh, that happens all the time. Iruka says it's a sign of intel- inte- intllical- inauuu…

**Kakashi:**Stop before you hurt yourself.

**Sasuke:**Do you mean, _intelligence_?

**Naruto:** Yeah, that's… Yeah…

**Sakura:** A fuel cell is a way to store electricity.

**Kakashi:**It is cleaner than oil and much more efficient. It is the energy source of the future. Didn't you listen to us or did dandelions or something cloud your mind?

**Naruto:**Oh, you're talking about fuel cell. Ha Ha, I thought you were talking 'bout dandelions. Oh boy, I didn't know you were talking about the electrochemical energy conversion device. So, you're talking about the thing that converts the chemical hydrogen and oxygen into water, and in the process, produces electricity.

**Kakashi:**Wait, where have I heard this before?

**Naruto:**Did you know that, with a fuel cell, chemicals constantly flow into the cell so it never goes dead (unlike a battery)? As long as there is a flow of chemicals into the cell, the electricity flows out of the cell. Combustion engines, like the turbine and the gasoline engine, burn fuels and use the pressure created by the expansion of the gases to do mechanical work. Batteries converted chemical energy back into electrical energy when needed. Fuel cells do both tasks more efficiently.

**Kakashi:**Wait, I think I know where I've heard this…

**Naruto:**Along with that, they reduce pollution, which is one of the primary goals of the fuel cell. Since the fuel cell car is powered with pure hydrogen (which has the potential to be up to 80 more efficient than regular cars), then they should start to replace gas and diesel engine cars in the near future.

**Kakashi:**I definitely know where I've heard this now!!

**Naruto:**Also, fuel cells make sense for portable electronics (laptops; cell-phones; hearing aids; etc.) because it will provide longer life than a battery would, and you should be able to "recharge" it quickly with a liquid or gaseous fuel. Now don't get me started on the fuel cell-powered buses, they-

**Kakashi:** Naruto, STOP READING _MY_ NOTES!

**Naruto:** Awww, me wanted to sounded smart like you, Sakura & you did me wanted really a lot, aww...

**Sasuke:**Umm, yes, exactly, whatever.

**Sakura:**Well, it's been a long hard very annoying (glares at Naruto. Naruto waves back) day for all of us here at double S to the NK news, channel 441620.

**Naruto:**Sakura, are you some kind of anchorwoman?

**Sasuke:**Finally! (gets up and starts leaving; "Kiss Him Goodbye" starts to play) Time for me to go back to my apartment filled with many leather-bound books and the rich smell of mahogany.

**From all of us here at double S to the NK News, Channel 441620, we would like to wish you a fun-filled fun day that's filled with fun! Have fun, Kohona!**

(music stops)

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XDDDDDDDDDDD

Don't ask.


End file.
